I have had enough, I feel like I am going crazy. Guess I was never ment to live with someone. I just can't do it anymore. Why did I ever allow this to happen? Now I feel like a schmuck if I ask him to leave but what option do I have? I am pretty much broke now I emptied the last of my RRSP's out yesterday because we have no groceries. Everything I buy to aid in my weight loss is gone before I even get to it. I have put on 30 pounds in a year, that is not good. I hate myself for letting it happen, I hate the look of myself. I just want to scream it at the top of my lungs. My work is my refuge. Wish I could sleep there but I can't. I can escape when I am there. I am tired of all of this. The Catherine bullshit, the not doing anything and the wanting it all the time. I am not built like that. I just can't handle it any more. I feel like I am losing control.

Well here it is 1:32am Saturday morning, I am at the hotel of course. Only 5.5 more hours to go.

So I completely blew the Weight Watchers today. Oh well, it is only one day. I will be good now until Wednesday. I have to blame Tim though for my falling off the wagon. I had to take him to the airport today. So my day of not going to Edmonton ended me up there anyway.

I did get lots accomplished though. I payed for my Seattle trip, signed my land lease and paid $250 on the arrears. I told Sandra I would be back on the 29th to pay more. The 22nd marks a whole month of activities. From Seattle, to the Oasis concert, Uncle Bob's 80th birthday, the football game, my sisters 50th in Calgary like wholly. My cruise will be a definate welcome for relaxation.

Anywho, gots to go, have to finish those darned tissue boxes for my Aunt. TaTa for now.

Well I am not impressed tonight. I went to get my treat for the week and low and behold it was gone. So I decide I want to have some cereal, the milk is sour. I got so upset that I just felt like crying. But I didn't I got pissed off instead. And here I am and he is in bed thank God.

Weight watchers was another gain, that is why I wanted my treat as I won't be able to have a treat for an awful long time. But oh well, guess I was never ment to be happy as everything that makes me happy is 'forbidden'. What a way to live the rest of my life. Be happy and compromise my health or be miserable and be healthy. Nice choices.

Checked the prices of flights to Seattle, since the last time I checked they have gone up like $45.00 but I am afraid if I don't go I won't last too long in this house. I am beginning to hate coming home anymore. I stay up until like 1am every night to make sure he is sleeping or I fall asleep on the couch. Am I ever cold hearted. Sometimes I just wish I could drop off the face of the earth, or just start all over, again. But I am too chicken. I would rather be unhappy than to start over or kick him out. I don't have a backbone for that kind of stuff as I was in that position once and would have given my left arm to have someone help me. But really is it all worth it?

Well I told Judy from Weight Watchers (hi Judy) that I would post some more pictures if I can. I will try.

Off to upload....Ciao