It's been a while since I have been here. I must make sure I visit more often. July 22 the last time. What has happened since. Well....

July 30, Stephanie and I went to the football game. Montreal was 4-0-0 going into the game and well I guess they had to lose one eventually. But why do they lose when I go to the game? Happened last year as well.

July 31 marked the passing of mom. 29 years ago. Such a long time ago. Sometimes I wonder if I remember her. Then the memories come flooding back. Oh how I loved her, and still do. I often wonder if I made her proud, or if she loved me as well. I know deep down she did, but the side that has no self esteem thinks I still have lots to prove to her. Sometimes I wish she could send me a sign that I will be alright.

August long weekend proved to be interesting as I puppy sat for the kids. I know they will never ask me again as I didn't do a good job. I worked all weekend and couldn't spend much time with him. Poor baby.

Fast forward to August 5, went for coffee with Marci down at the Rivers Pub, plunked $40 into the VLT machine and pulled out $399. Woo Hoo!!

August 7, a busy day. It was my Friday off. At noon I got my 2nd tattoo done. OMG I actually did it. It looks great. Marci came for a visit and Jennifer and her mom as well. It was so good to see them again. Once I was done with the tattoo Jennifer, her mom and I went to Friendship Park across the street and had a lovely picnic. Was so yummy. I was hoping to go for coffee with them when they came back through from Grand Prairie. But circumstances had it that they couldn't.

August 8 I got my hair done. Dyed and cut short again until Sept or Oct when I go see Linda in Seattle.

Another sad day August 11 as that was the 7 year anniversary of dad's passing. Wow that is a long time.

Finally today I went for Prime Rib with Ann and Lisa (the new IT gal for Pengrowth), put in my $40 again into the slots and pulled out $117. Wednesdays are my lucky days I guess. I hope to find someone to level the trailer soon as I want to get the ceilings all pulled down and ready to go for when Alex comes up.

Vicky doesn't talk to me much anymore. She is reconnecting with her family which is wonderful. But I sure do miss her talks. But then again it seems no one gets me any more. No one knows when I am sad or anything. It is very lonely in this body. I cry at the drop of a hat because I feel so empty. My heart beats because it has to. I don't fit in anywhere, I have no friends that are close to me, nobody knows me, the real me. Guess I have a lot to do with that. I don't like giving my heart to anyone that will crush it and eventually it gets crushed. The only one I can count on is me and most days I can't even count on that. I feel like I am just going through the motions. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to Pizza Delight if I have to, come home, go to bed. Such a wonderful fucking life I have.