5.5 hours last night. I kept that mask on from 12:11am to 5:40am. Glory be I do hope I am getting used to it. My fingers are crossed for another good night tonight.

My morning was the shits. I forgot that I didn't go get the truck last night so I took my time in the shower this morning. Went to reach for some body wash, wondered why it wasn't lathering up like it was supposed to and low and behold I grabbed body lotion. Then 3 guys from work were let go. One was there for over 20 years. They will be missed. I will just keep going until they tell me not to.

But with the bad comes the good. Our Cuba tickets are in and ready to be picked up. Woot Woot!!. This time 3 weeks from now I will be in Cuba, soaking up the sun, relaxing and just plain having fun. I can't wait.

Tonight I was looking into going to a 'Fat Farm'. It is an option. But I am going to really put my all into it this coming week at Weight Watchers. I just hope that Jackie isn't the leader as I won't stay if she is. Not after last week and how rude she was to me.

But it is time to go for tonight. Keep your fingers crossed that I will be able to keep that machine on tonight, all night.

Monday, wow how time flies. Ben seems to be doing better since I added the heater and blanket. Still not the best but not as bad as he was.

I was going to go to the gym tonight but didn't get there. Good God I need to get motivated and get this under control. I am going to try again starting tomorrow as it is pretty late tonight. I have to put Ben out and then it is bed time for me. Today is the first day in a long time that I was tired at work. So I have to keep that machine on tonight no matter what.

I deliver tomorrow so I want to make a soup for supper. I just have to ask the WW gals about substitutions. I want to use fresh veggies not frozen ones. If I can't then I will use the frozen ones.

I can't stop thinking about that guy from the casino in Edmonton. Hope his date went well. I hope that 2010 will be my year to meet my guy. That would sure be incentive to lose that's for sure. Look how much I lost when dating Jason. So I will keep my hopes & dreams forefront so that it will happen. I so don't want to be alone another year.

Just got back from seeing the Blind Side. What a great movie. That's a keeper when it comes out on DVD. Such a powerful story. Maybe I will get to see Mike Oher play against Seattle next year. Wouldn't that be a treat.

Ben isn't doing so good. He was shaking this morning when I got him up to go gouside this morning. But he did eat today and drink and did his business outside so that is good. I worked 8 hours today, wow am I tired. I have a headache tonight as well. After work I bought Ben some more treats, a new blanket and a heater. I am hoping that he is going to start gaining some weight and get back to normal. I am so afraid of coming home one day and he will be gone. A friend said if that happens she will take him for me as I would never be able to touch him. I don't know what I did wrong with him. I really don't. I just want him to get better and back to his normal self.

So it seems that when I went for my Sleep Apnea testing that I quit breathing 8 times every hour. When I had the loner CPAP machine over Christmas that number went down to 3 times every hour. So I am now the proud owner of a brand new CPAP machine. I am hoping that one day I won't need it but that may not be possible. I was able to use this one for 4 hours and 15 minutes last night before I had to take it off. So not bad really. I will take care of my headache tonight before going to bed and tomorrow I don't have to be up for any specific time as I am just delivering so no setting of any alarms tomorrow. YAY! I can also spend the whole day at home with the dog and watch him. I really do hope that he will be ok. And if there is a God I hope that he is listening and help my Ben out. I would hate to lose him. But if he is in any pain or what not I would hope that God would take him. I get so sad and choked up even thinking about it. I just hope that he loves his heater and his blanket.

But time to take a headache pill.

So 297 lbs. Only 8 lbs from when I started Weight Watchers. Well what a kick in the butt that was. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new weight watcher week for me so it is the beginning of the rest of my life so to speak.

I am pretty tired today, and it is only 10pm. I would like to stay up a while longer maybe until 11 but I don't know if I can or not. Tonight is the last night with the CPAP machine as I want it nice and clean for when I bring it back.

Tomorrow is my last day of work this week, thank goodness. It seemed like a very long week. Next week is my first 5 day week in a long long time. But that is ok. I like going to work now adays. I am not tired there anymore, but that may change when I take the machine back. I do hope I don't have to go back on those pills. I hated the way they made me feel. And I have discovered that I eat a lot when I am tired. This week has been good.

It's going down to -29 tonight. Another cold night. May have to turn the heat back up. The decorations get put away this weekend. And I am going to watch The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock on Saturday. I can't wait. I haven't been to a movie in ages. Well I better get off my fat ass and get some stuff done so I can stay up another hour or so.

9:22 on Sunday evening. I was able to get out of work at 2:30 this afternoon and had all these notions of cleaning the house and cleaning the dog crate and just plain getting shit done. Well what did I do? I slept on the couch until 8pm now I have no ambition to do anything. Not one thing. Oh except order pizza for supper. Supper at 9pm. I think, no I know this will be the last time I order in a while. I have to get this weight off.

Was only able to keep the machine on for a couple hours last night. Hopefully longer tonight. That is if I am able to sleep now after my nap this afternoon. Tomorrow I deliver so I will do some cleaning then. I did get the bottles and cans cleaned up. I hope to get the dry dishes put away and maybe do a load before bed. Hopefully put some more decorations in boxes.

Another day with not talking to Vicky, she is online but not talking to me. I can only presume she is talking to her friends in England. That is her choice. Was talking to my sister today and am ready to just not go to Cuba as she is not making me very happy. I do believe this Cuba trip will be the worst of my life. I should never have agreed to going. It isn't somewhere I would just go. But I will try and make the most of it. I have to it was too much money not to.

Talked to my cousins daughter last night for quite a while and it was nice. I sure do miss family now and again. Sometimes I think that they are all I have in this world. Sometimes I feel so alone and just hate it but I guess that is what God has for me. If I can get through this I am sure I will be much stronger but to sacrifice my heart is tough. I really don't think I know how to love someone as I really don't think I have ever been loved like I should have.

Well pizza should be here shortly and have to eat it hot!!