Friday, June 12, 2009

I never really thought all the sickness & horrible disease in my family affected me. I was too young when mom died, so young in fact I didn't even cry. Then when dad went well we all knew it had something to do with his drinking. Well I went out to see the Pizza Delight gals at the Relay for Life tonight. It was all well & good until they started lighting candles in memory of loved ones who have succumb to cancer or who are survivors. Then they lit Hope Luminary, wow that was moving. A bagpiper was there playing Amazing Grace, that did me in. That got me thinking of my own family & just how many of them have had or still have this horrible disease. And to think that a month ago I had the same scare. I think of my friends who have beat this monster & kicked it in the butt.

I now reflect on my life, or what is my life now & think that I don't want to a statistic or part of the norm in my family. I know I can't stop it if it so happens that I get cancer which I pray I won't but I do know that I will never stop fighting if I do. I think of my mom a lot now that I am older & wonder if I measure up to what she had in mind for me. I wonder if I ever made her proud of me. I wonder why she was taken from me when I was so young. But I thank God that I am here to see my son grow up. I am thankful that I know that I have to do something about my weight or I will get sick.

I guess you can say that tonight was a wakeup call. One that I finally heard. I have to get healthy not just for me but for my family. I miss my mom so very much. Sometimes I wonder if she really knows how much. There is not a day that goes by that she isn't in my heart. My heart may be broken right now but there is a piece of it that is intact. It is intact because that is where my mom is.

1 comment:

Vicky Ehlert said...

I am honored that you have allowed me to read your blog and I want you to know that on your journey to becoming healthy you will never be alone. Friends stand side by side through tough times but best friends pick you up and never let you completely fall. I am going to be with you every step of the way and encourage you always to become the healthy person you strive to be. Never give up Lee-Ann because I will never stop believing in you.